This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
