I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize