If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
