Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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