I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
