matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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