In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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