Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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