I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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