i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I accidentally burped into my bong.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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