I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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