I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
