That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
