is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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