Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
