He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
