I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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