Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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