Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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