The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
