He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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