I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
