Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
