Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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