He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
