I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
