Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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