Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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