we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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