i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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