Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
