Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
