I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
