I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize