SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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