plz talk dirty to me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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