we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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