So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
