Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
