You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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