you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
