Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
