He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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