Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
