i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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