Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
