I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize