Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
