im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
