Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize