I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
