Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
