I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
