Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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