it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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