I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
