So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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