I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
