I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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