Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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