hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
