it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
