I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
