I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
