phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
